12 March 2016

What would you do ,if you were paid to do , whatever it is that you want to do

It is relatively easier ,. well at least for me to make a decision in the face of imminent distress ,  life has tested me there and probably given up bothering about it again , what it has instead resorted to is , how I respond in the face of no adversity .
Its easy to pull of the cumbersome yet extraordinary late nighter that sometimes equips you with super human abilities in the wake of an urgent deadline .
However picture this 
What would you do , if you are paid to do whatever it is that you want to do .. ?
well apparently funny enough , it turns out , i never prepared my self for an adversity of this wonderful nature ..
What if someone told you  "you know what buddy , here is 1 billion dollars .. now go on live your life ..."
What kind of story would you paint for yourself from here forth .

I didn't realize how very naive i was up un till this kind of a situation happened to me ,(well not exactly a billion dollars , not even 1 percent of it ..loll yeah heights of over exaggeration I know .. but this stands true even if i were offered that much.. ne which ways  )
so there I was all worked up, facing life head on , taking all of its problems (if i may call them as problems or so ...loll touch wood ..) by the bulls ...when suddenly (may be out of some fairness that has been programmed into the dna of the world ) i seemed to have landed an offer such that only a fool would refuse ..!!
guess that would make me a fool , but ya i let go of it ....
well obviously 
not before flirting with it for more than a year .

and don't ask me why ,
I don't really have any logical explanation as to why i left it ..
why I returned to the discomfort of neverland ...other than the fact that, it felt right . it took courage , but it had to be done ,,,cause i know it .. i know it was the right thing to do ...but for one of the few times , I don't how it was the right thing to do ..
sounds funny does it ..?
have u started judging me as this wanna prik who pretends to be a wise ass but is actually a spoilt brat ..  cause if u have then u can't help , heres the finger for bitches ...!! you might as well just fuck off ..your nothing but  a stupid ass wise cunt ...!!
(well if you haven't judged me yet ,, then i apologize for my language , i m pretty sure you judge me now after hearing those words, any chance they pass by as , i don't know , 'naive' may be ? )

n e ways
The problem is

I don't know where i m going right now ..
I feel lost , and this time , somehow it's worse ..
I can't seem to find light any where
everything inside me has changed
i don't know what i wanna do with my life
there was a time i would have fixed everything wrong with the world ..
now i don't even feel like fixing my computer 

it's a daunting task to motivate yourself without the cosmic stream guiding you ...
I have been patiently waiting for it , without any success what so ever .
it has never deserted me for this long ...
may be it's angry with me .
may be i am not worthy .
may be i have disappointed it ..
but how can that be .. everything about myself and my past decisions feels right , however
not even fixing the world feels right any more from here on ...what could be a purpose more worthy of my time life ? what ?
i can easily choose a path that leads to a lavish life
God has blessed me with immense ability and foresight for the same , but I hate this feeling I get
like as if i am wasting precious time ...!!!

1 comment:

  1. There are so many thoughts you have put here which have passed through my mind as well.

    I dont know the answers, all i am doing is just stringing each moment with other and counting the days that are passing so quickly.

    But one day i am sure everything will make sense. every decision shapes our life in a awesome way, if only we give it some time to understand it.

    basically dont question things, just go with the flow. when you have that uncontrollable desire to make sense, just remind yourself that some questions dont have answers just yet. one day those answers will find you and you will smile that day.


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